Knowledge I gained from watching the movies

By just being observant, there are many things that can be learned from the movies.

• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Top 10 FORBIDDEN Library Titles For Children

1. Gerbil merry-go round, and other great microwave games.
2. Fifty new places to poke a pencil.
3. The little girl who died from eating all her vegetables
4. Why washing clothes causes childhood allergies.
5. Children's guide to hitch-hiking.
6. Flying lessons for kittens.
7. Toys that your neighbours are getting.
8. Where mothers hide treats.
9. Advanced screaming, crying and whinging.
10. How to avoid washing daddy's car.

Buffalo Theory: Why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

The science of why time in the pub passes slower

_{My good friend Antonio Gonçalves posted the folllowing unique perspective on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.}

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning.

The reason for this odd behaviour is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory. It works like this: it is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture. According to his Relativity Theory, any body moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub.

Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine:- for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub. A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 O'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes:

"WTF??!!?? - why is it so quiet?? Holy sh!t!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED???!!??" .and the answer, of course, is Time Dilation!!

I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except fellow time travellers) has been able or willing to understand the sound scientific basis of this phenomenon.

Please forward this to all your known time travellers - maybe we can prove this theory by sheer, overwhelming force of numbers

The Story of the Horse and the Pig

Dreaming of raising thoroughbreds a farmer invests all his savings into buying one that became very ill within a month.

He brings in the best Vet he could afford to examine the horse and is told
“He has been infected with a very dangerous virus.
Here is the medicine you need to give him twice daily. I will be back in 3 days – if he is still unable to walk at that stage he will have to be put down”

This was overheard by a piglet that shared the stables with the horse.
Alarmed with this news, little pig went over to the horse and pleaded with him:
“My friend, please try to get up!".

Day 2 – no change
piglet kept on pleading with the horse:

“PLEASE get up or they will kill you!"

Day 3 – farmer administered the medicine but the horse is still on the ground.

Vet examined the horse and walking out of the stables sadly said :

“There is no choice – we have to put him down or the other animals could get ill".

Piglet having heard that raced over to the horse saying:
“GET UP NOW ! The vet is on his way.
It is NOW OR NEVER !!!“

Gathering all his strength the horse stood up and raced out of the stables


Farmer started jumping for joy and yelled out to the farm hands:

“This is a miracle !
This has to be celebrated properly !“

What have we learned here?

Always mind your own bloody business
and don’t meddle into things that do not involve you!

A Great Story

Here's a wacky perspective on stories.  Not just any type of story, great stories.

Ever found yourself in a situation hard to explain ....



Take courage. Never underestimate the power of a great story.

THE FRONT FELL OFF

On August 19th, 2007, an oil tanker off the coast of Australia split in two, dumping 20,000 tons of crude oil. Senator Collins, a member of the Australian Parliament, appeared on a TV news program to reassure the Australian public.

This actual interview is so funny, you'd swear it was a Saturday Night Live or Monty Python skit - but it's the real thing.








TV news program appearance