The Man Rules

The Man Rules

   Finally  , the guys' side of the story. 

We always hear  " the rules "  
From the female side ….

  Now here are the rules from the male side.      

These are our rules! 
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" 
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.. 
(  FIRST & FOREMOST RULE )

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 
You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. 
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

1. Sunday sports.  It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides. 
Let it be. 

1. Crying is blackmail. 

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work! 
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it! 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

1. Come to us with a problem  only  if you want help solving it.  That's what we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 
Don't ask us. 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,

we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something 
or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. 
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not  A  colour.  Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.  

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.. 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...  Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football 
or Hockey. 

1. You have enough clothes. 

1. You have too many shoes. 

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 

1. Thank you for reading this. 
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 

But did you know men really don't mind that?  It's like camping. 

Wacky Photographs Collection

Here's a couple of cleverly taken photographs. See if you can spot what makes these pictures way cool as well as wacky.










































No image manipulation or picture editing software was used to alter these photographs.

Evolution

A wacky perspective on Evolution ...

Woman


Man

Knowledge I gained from watching the movies

By just being observant, there are many things that can be learned from the movies.

• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Top 10 FORBIDDEN Library Titles For Children

1. Gerbil merry-go round, and other great microwave games.
2. Fifty new places to poke a pencil.
3. The little girl who died from eating all her vegetables
4. Why washing clothes causes childhood allergies.
5. Children's guide to hitch-hiking.
6. Flying lessons for kittens.
7. Toys that your neighbours are getting.
8. Where mothers hide treats.
9. Advanced screaming, crying and whinging.
10. How to avoid washing daddy's car.

Buffalo Theory: Why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

The science of why time in the pub passes slower

_{My good friend Antonio Gonçalves posted the folllowing unique perspective on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.}

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning.

The reason for this odd behaviour is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory. It works like this: it is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture. According to his Relativity Theory, any body moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub.

Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine:- for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub. A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 O'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes:

"WTF??!!?? - why is it so quiet?? Holy sh!t!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED???!!??" .and the answer, of course, is Time Dilation!!

I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except fellow time travellers) has been able or willing to understand the sound scientific basis of this phenomenon.

Please forward this to all your known time travellers - maybe we can prove this theory by sheer, overwhelming force of numbers