Why no coloreds were involved in 9/11

Here's follows some uniquely South African humor. South Africa is a country filled with rich cultural diversity. None more so than the colored community. Here is  South African comedian Mark Lottering's comical view on why he believes no coloreds could have been involved in the Sept 11 bombing of the American twin towers.

For our non South African readers, unique phrases in Afrikaans (a language spoken in SA), are provided down below.

Mark Lottering (popular SA comedian) On Why no coloreds were involved in 9/11

• Ons is altyd laat¹.  We would have missed all 4 flights.

• We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.

• Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane²,  we'll sommer³ forget why we're there.

• We praat with our hands⁴, so we'll continually be putting the weapons down.

• We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a "moerse"⁵ fight with each other.

• We'll sommer⁶ argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: 'Gaan kak⁷ man! Dan hijack jy die foken plane alleen!!' ⁸

• Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie⁹. We would have told everyone a week before doing it, telling them: 'Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!' ¹⁰

• We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion. ¹¹

• We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the hostages.

• When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a karaoke session, with one doos¹² trying to sing 'I did it my way'.

• We would first rob every one of their RayBans, cellphones and gold teeth, just before we crash the plane.

• Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to see us off, crying their "bleddie¹³" eyes out, and your mother saying to the white ou¹⁴ next to her: 'I'm so proud of him. It's the first time he's hijacking a plane!'

• We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport going away clothes: balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies¹⁵, dark glasses, en 'n moerse attitude.

• Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home.

• Three of us would have overweight luggage.

• All of us would have luggage.

• We would have all wanted to watch the in flight movie first.

• Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to first gel our hair.

• We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see us.

Translations: (For our non South African readers)

1 Ons is altyd laat: We’re always late
2 Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane: With free food and drinks on the airplane
3 Sommer: simply 4 We praat with our hands: We talk with our hands
5 moerse: adj. South African slang meaning really big or numerous.
6 Sommer: simply
7 Gaan kak: Go shit
8 Dan hijack jy die foken plane alleen: Then you hijack the f**king airplane on your own
9 Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie: We can't keep a scret
10  Moet vir niemand se nie, ho: Don't tell anybody, you hear
11 Strandfontein Pavillion: A popular South African tourist hotspot
12 Doos: (afrikaans swearword) polite translation: asshole
13 Bleddie: afrikaans slang for bloody
14 Ou: guy
15 Skoentjies: shoes (diminutive form, i.e. little shoes)